Monday, October 8, 2012

The Day I Broke Up With My Morning Coffee.

Last Tuesday to be exact. least for a little while.

Anyone that knows me knows that I love coffee.  Its not a completely healthy relationship that coffee and I but it works and I have a hard time letting it go.  Some of you may remember that I gave up Starbucks during our adoption of Silas and I quit cutting my hair (or going to the salon for that matter) with our adoption of Zahra.  I'm one of those people that needs a tangible reminder of things and removing something I love to focus on Jesus is good for me.  

Its been a week since I've taken a sip of coffee and I have to say that while I miss it very much its been good.  When I gave up coffee I also started a ten day cleanse.  I needed a reboot, I wasn't feeling well and I needed to refocus.  I'm a bit of a methodical kinda girl and I get stuck in ruts doing the same things every single day.  Frankly I've lost a bit of focus and I needed to do something about it.

God in his faithfulness showed up like the rockstar that He is.  He is so faithful even when I am not.  His gentleness pulling me along, softly chastising me, convicting me, all the while reminding me that I am His and He's still there waiting for me.  This cleanse has been so good for me.  Clearing my head, allowing me time to just stop and hear Him.  Changing the way you eat forces you to think and it has been a great time for me to change some other not so great habits and form new healthier ones.  My time in the word has been scant and that desperately needed to change.  My attitude towards life's struggles has been getting worse and things I would normally address right away were getting piled up in my heart.

One of the biggest things for me is that years ago I used to be a total people pleaser.  I didn't know up from down because I just wanted everyone to be happy and it was EXHAUSTING frankly.  One day the Lord clearly spoke to me saying "you're not going to be able to keep this up forever, you only need to do things as unto me".  I broke.  It was so freeing.  Sometimes I go back to that place and its never real fun.  We designed a shirt during our adoption of Zahra that was specific to this and I need that reminder often.  Audience of One.  Jesus is all that matters.  Not things. Nothing.  If we are living our lives in obedience and to the glory of the King that's all we're asked to do.  

Often I get caught up in being a doer, of all "good things" but they aren't what Jesus has called me to do at the time or maybe never.  I wish I could do everything but there are different seasons and its impossible to do it all.  Sometimes it doesn't make sense to others, I don't have an answer except that's what Jesus has asked of me.  I walk in His truth and what He puts before me. I pray daily that I would be still and hear only His voice and not the racket that goes on in my head.  I may not be able to do everything I want in this season God has me in but my Audience is ONE and one alone.  He is my King and I will daily seek to worship Him and Him alone.  

I'm finding joy in each season, sometimes its easier then other times but the beauty even in the mess is what I'm seeking to find.  The beauty is my King....the one who paid it all for me so that I might live.  The least I can do is serve Him with my very life.

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
 Colossians 3:17

1 comment:

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

AWESOME yet so hard and yet so needed and yet.....ugh....and yet my heart's desire!