Today marks 5 months that we've been home with Zahra. Five months as a family of seven. What a difference five months makes!
I've debated on how to write this. I 've considered not writing it at all. However I can't ignore what is going on in my precious girls heart. I can't not post about the redemption that is going on in my home in the tiny person who is my daughter. As Zahra's English gets better and better she's articulating her thoughts and feelings. Lately the things she's been saying have leveled me. No five year old girl should ever experience some of the things she's experienced. My daughter has had her little heart shattered into a million pieces. Those are the pieces of her little heart that God has so providentially allowed us to nurture, love, and cherish as we trust that our King will put those pieces back together as only He can. As she trusts us more and more she's letting us in. She's articulating her thoughts and feelings in a way I can only describe as heart wrenching. She's sharing a part of her life that pained her. Even in that process she's also sharing a part of her heart that exudes extreme joy. The joy of having a family.
When we used Matthew West's song "One Less" for our mini adoption video (meaning I still haven't finished the full version) we had no idea the impact that choice would have on our precious daughter. Zahra watches her video over and over, sometimes with tears streaming down her cheeks and a smile on her face. She talks about each picture, tells us about the day we came to get her and the plane ride home. Meeting her siblings, her now friends, and she tells us repeatedly about the day we became a family.
I don't share any of this flippantly. I share it because its important for those of you that were such a huge part of helping to bring Zahra home to see the impact you made on our little girl. On our family. On who we are. Its important to share for others who are on the fence to see the impact adoption has on these little lives.
There are parts of Zahra's story we won't share. We'll keep those for her. But these parts are an even bigger part of an incredible story that God is writing. These parts are a beautiful piece of Zahra's tapestry, the parts that will make up who she is. How we respond and what we teach her will forever be a part of how she sees herself. Most of all I want her to see who she is in Christ and how much HE loves her and has written this BEAUTIFUL story of His perfect love in the midst of brokenness.
The past few weeks little Z has been humming the "One Less" song and a few words would come out occasionally. This week she's been BELTING the song. Today as she was combing my hair (which she does every day as we talk about our morning) she started singing this same song. She told me it was her favorite song. I asked her why and she said because it meant family. She proceeded to share that when she was in Ethiopia she waited in her bed for a mommy and daddy to come. She would cry for her mommy or daddy but they weren't there. She said when we came she was so happy. Now she has family and this was her favorite song. I wanted to sob but knew I couldn't. I whispered quietly in her ear that I was so glad she was my girl and it was my favorite song too. We hugged and she went off to play.
Later she was belting it again and told her Daddy it was her favorite song. She said her favorite part is "One Less, One Less, One less broken heart in the world tonight". Yes, my five year old gets the words of this song on a very real level. Our daughter understands the truth of these words. She's articulated how it makes her feel to have a mama who will lay with her until she falls asleep. How she loves it when her daddy wrestles her. She loves that she has big sisters who fiercely protect her. She loves that Nichol braids her hair. She loves that her big brothers play games with her and Skyler carries her all over the house. All of these things are reasons WHY children belong in families. Not in orphanages, not on streets, and not crying in their beds asking where their mommy and daddy are.
Little did I know the impact of a simple song choice and how God would use that to help pull out some of the painful memories buried deep inside my precious daughters heart and turn them into something beautiful as she processes this journey with us.