Thursday, October 14, 2010

Rescue? Save? Family?

These three words are ones that we often hear in the adoption circle. They are also words that some struggle to hear. Including myself. I don't want a child to feel they were "rescued" or "saved" I certainly don't want or deserve any certain "gratitude" from my son for things such as this. He's my son just as my biological son is my son. Those words can indicate that the person "rescued" somehow owes the rescuer something. This also makes the adoptive parents appear as some sort of saints or on a mission to save the world somehow. That's certainly not my heart. That's not my husbands heart. However there is the looming reality of the NEED for families for children. How do you reconcile the two?

We can live in denial saying we're "building our family through adoption" which is all fine and good, some are doing that and its fantastic. However the question remains if there wasn't a NEED would you be adopting? No, you'd simply be taking someone else's children if there was no need. There has to be a reason and a need for adoption otherwise none of us would. With the orphan crisis currently going on in this world it warrants a response. Bottom line is there are 153 million orphans world wide. Whether that is single orphan, double orphan, or abandoned child the need for families is still there.

So how does all of this fit together?

Sometimes there is someone else who just wrote it better then I ever could. Today that is Kristen at Rage Against The Minivan. Kristen wrote this blog about orphans, adoption, and more she states so perfectly her personal stance on all of this. It happens to also be a view I share in regards to adoption and the terms rescue, save, and building a family. It really is a must read. Please go read it. Let me know what you think.


Lara said...

I'm right there with you. As someone once said, "You're adopted child has as much of a right to someday hate you as the rest of your children."

Nicholas said...

Amen - I hate when people tell me what a "good" person I am for adopting... I didn't save her. She saved me.... great post.I may use some of these thoughts in my next blog post...


Kelly said...

The truth in this post cuts to the core of American thinking and living. I am not sure how I lived 25+ years without a thought or, honestly, a care about anyone or anything outside of my little happy life. Why or when has the church stopped standing up for the things of God? When did it become the norm to ignore the cries of the needy? And I have asked before, why are adoptive families the minority and not the norm, especially in Bible believing churches?

Connie said...

I've been thinking about what you wrote most of the morning. I had chats with both my girls, independently, about this post, asking them for their thoughts and I thought their insights as adoptees are helpful.

MJ just shook her head and said something along the lines of: What's the problem with being rescued? We all need rescuing and we should all be thankful when we are. Orphans need rescuing in two ways, they need Jesus and they need a family. She's happy God has rescued her.

Bekah said she wouldn't want to feel like she was JUST a charity case. I asked her if she feels that way and she said "no, not at all, I feel like family." At the same time she said she understands that at one time in her life she didn't have a family to call her own and she's thankful to God and us that now she does.

Now for my two cents. In relationship to God, He sent Jesus to do for us what we could not do for ourselves...from A-Z we needed rescue and from A-Z He is the Rescuer. All glory and praise goes to Him, but we get gratitude and joy and the privilege of being His is win/win. In relationship to adoption, I think my girls get it...they were in a place of need, their needs were met because of Christ's work in and through His people and now they get the privilege of being members of a Christian family who love them immensely and teach them the love of the Rescuer...because they "get that", they respond with gratitude and joy. I think we need to be careful to NOT throw out the idea of rescue, but to put it in its right context and make much of The Rescuer, the neediness of us all, and how those who have come to hope in Him are happy to extend the rope of hope to others.

What are we saying when we say any of our children have the right to someday hate us? Some children may do so, but they have no right to do so...this is nothing short of sin and rebellion, the opposite of joy and gratitude which is the proper response of rescue.

What are we saying when we reject the idea of being a good person for adopting? Do we want to be bad people? I don't get this reasoning. God has prepared good works for us to walk in; let's walk in them and do so in a way that points people to our God of mercy.

Why are we so afraid of the ideas of rescue or being good? Why are these not good goals to be pursued in the power of the Spirit and for the glory of our God? I'm scratchin' my head over here. What am I missing?

Mama Mimi said...

There is a fine line, and I read the entire article and it REALLY touched me. That being said, I think Connie hit the nail on the head with her comments. These children ARE rescued, but we ALL are. It just needs to be put into context. When people make the "good for you, you're adopting" comments, they are cheering you on for following God's will (hopefully) not putting you on a pedistool. I understand both sides of it, but I don't think either one is "right" or "wrong". There is a fine line, and the fact that we are all talking about it means we're on the right track (in MY opinion =).