Monday, August 9, 2010

While Waiting.

Someone asked me recently how I was doing. If I was getting anxious or struggling with the waiting game. I honestly am okay. This week. :) No really. I'm alright. It's only been a little over four months since we started this process. I know Gods timing is perfect and I'm really working on waiting well. Do I wish we were fully funded and didn't have to wonder where the money for the remaining part of the adoption would come from? Sure. I'd be a liar not to admit that. I am human, I am a mama and I do long to hold my precious girl. I also know that as much as I want to hold her I know that possibly even now there is a first mama that is struggling to make one of the hardest decisions of her life, one that will change her life forever, one that will be her greatest pain for our greatest joy. One that she may battle for months. I am choosing to spend my time waiting praying for her. Praying for our daughters first family, for her little heart, for Gods protection over her as she battles this loss without someone to hold her while she grieves. I'm committed to standing in the gap for her, for her family, because I love her already. We all love her already. Listening to my kids pray for their sister melts me. Listening to my husband pray for the daughter he hasn't met but loves so deeply makes me proud to be his wife.

This adoption process isn't easy. It wasn't easy the first time and while I've "been here before" each step is still the same. The feelings are the same. The way I handle them I think is different. I really do want to enjoy this season. The season where we're preparing our family for our next child. The season where I enjoy the family dynamic we have now and focus on giving my all to them and not focusing only on this adoption.

I was talking with David and the kids this weekend about some of the things we're looking forward to and some of the things we'd like to get accomplished before we bring our little princess home. One of them being that Silas and I are going to work on his life book. I've had things stashed away for the last two and a half years and haven't ever completed his book, I'll blame a crazy life and a cross country move. Fact remains I want to have that done for him before our little gal comes home. He'll have two books, one will be our original blog made into a book and the other will be a scrap book of sorts. He's excited to help me with that. While he's excited to be a big brother I often wonder what he really thinks as we put the puzzle together for one of our fund raisers and talk about all of the people helping to bring his sister home. He seems to get it and even asked if that's what we did to bring him home. He's proud of his first family, proud of what he knows of his story, his birth country, and his heritage. I love that. I never want him to forget that.

This song perfectly represents my heart as we wait on the Lords perfect timing.

8 comments:

Rachel said...

If we hope for what we do not see, then with patience we wait for it.
Rom 8:25

Waiting with you...Resting in His perfect sovereignty.

Hugs.

Barbara said...

Sweet words...waiting with you as well. Love my lades at LBC.

Barbara said...

I see it... I see you are enjoying this season. Love you...with you heart and soul.

jessie said...

When you left that comment on my blog, I was happy because I thought it was an Erica that I know, but I was even more happy to find out it was an Erica I didnt know! haha. I have been to your blog before, and your family is so beautiful. Glad to know there is someone out there who knows what we are going through!
Jessica

Dustin & Megan said...

thank you so much for reminding me of their first family in this season. i have been so focused on my own that i often forget the pain another mother is feeling as she is letting go. thank you also for reminding me of really enjoying this time with my own family.

Kelly said...

Erica, thank you for your comment on our blog. I think I went to your old blog. recklessabandon2010. Is that yours?

MamaMimi said...

I'm so encouraged by your words and by what you choose to do with your time during this waiting game. Thanks for your words of wisdom to this newbie! =)

Jen said...

I LOVE this song! When we were (attempting) to adopt a 9 year old waiting child from Taiwan, that song played on our blog. It always encouraged me. :-) I appreciate the way you share from your heart and how God is working in you. He is an endlessly patient, ever loving Father to his children!

blessings,
Jennifer