tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post8176496329255047341..comments2023-05-28T05:17:53.135-04:00Comments on The Road Less Travelled: Adoption is NOT cool.Ericahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00984946345145279521noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-87068104568166271892012-05-22T23:17:59.919-04:002012-05-22T23:17:59.919-04:00Heather - Thank you for your comments - I really d...Heather - Thank you for your comments - I really do appreciate your side. I personally am not speaking for just my children. I'm speaking for ALL children, for ALL birth parents, and for the long term outlook for adoption and ethics. That's all. When I originally wrote the blog I honestly didn't find it controversial. I felt that every parent would feel that ethics in adoption was of utmost importance. I didn't speak against any age of adoption, I don't find one more "noble" then another and I've stated that multiple times here. I've simply stated that ethics should be put above our desire to parent and we should do whatever it takes to ensure that. WE as adoptive parents should be fighting for that. That was my point, is my point, and continues to be my point.<br /><br />I do read Linny's blog, love her, agree with her, but I still believe ethics are to be fought for. God doesn't say take away other peoples children, he says to fight for the rights of orphans and widows. That means fighting from all aspects not just adoption. That's my only point. Not to debate, to be some vigilante, simply to say lets unite, lets stand up and help change what is wrong. <br /><br />LilySea - Thank you for your comments - for the record, our decision to adopt Internationally doesn't make us some Super Jesus Lover. Nope. My actions don't make me some better then you person. My children saved my from myself. They taught me patience on an all new level, they've made me a better mom, they aren't "lucky" to have me, I'm blessed to be their mom. Its not about me really. Its about Jesus and His love for me. The least I can do is love my children. Adoption/orphan care/child advocacy is needed all over the world. One isn't better then another. Every child deserves a family.Ericahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00984946345145279521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-46897365552902563162012-05-21T11:29:05.641-04:002012-05-21T11:29:05.641-04:00Thanks so much for speaking up!! You said this ver...Thanks so much for speaking up!! You said this very well and I agree completely. <br /><br />I was just in Uganda and Rwanda working on research for a book about these topics. Hopefully it will be published by the fall!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-68814441853752488802012-05-20T18:56:39.266-04:002012-05-20T18:56:39.266-04:00Most of the "true orphans" creating a &q...Most of the "true orphans" creating a "crisis" in the world are older children, often living on the streets. Almost no one wants to adopt these children. if adopting a relatively healthy young baby or toddler would really solve the problem, that would be easy. If we are called to adopt orphans (and I am far from convinced this is what the Bible is commanding--I think it is commanding that we create just societies in which orphans don't often exist), it shouldn't be something so easy as all that.<br /><br />If you really want to share sacrificial love with children in need, foster a child in the U.S. Adopt a waiting child from foster care who is highly unlikely ever to get a forever family. Don't go caravanning across the world so that your friends will think you are Super Jesus Lover and put you on a pedestal.LilySeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08812905445813679050noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-67081937297924980602012-05-18T22:02:24.554-04:002012-05-18T22:02:24.554-04:00You all should read the post on "a place call...You all should read the post on "a place called simplicity" blog- she has it right!!! I felt encouraged when I read her blog post. I know that you all are speaking out of hurt and sadness for your kids- and that is very understandable. Love and blessings to you all. Heatherhsb7xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12133006932342532440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-78817537250190515252012-05-15T18:18:12.435-04:002012-05-15T18:18:12.435-04:00Not all adoption is bad and everyone hopes that th...Not all adoption is bad and everyone hopes that their adoption is honest. I adopted in good faith and felt very comfortable with my agency, both in the US and in Ethiopia. There were a few minor descrepencies but I chalked them up to translation errors. And when reports coming out of Ethiopia starting showing that corruption was going on, I dismissed them because I did feel comfortable with my agency. But then I started having conversations with families that used the same agency, kids from the same orphanage, etc and my fantasy world kind of fell apart. Interestingly enough, I met my daughter birthmother in Eth but she would not answer a lot of my questions. Turns out, she had been told not answer them because it could make her child unadoptable. Truthfully, it wouldn't have. The adoption was legit even if the circumstances weren't exactly what they seemed. Sadly, most of the stories coming from families that have reconnected with birth families are not so reassuring. And as far as the trafficking is concerned, being paid or promised anything in return for giving up your child is trafficking. <br /><br />I used to think it was a small percentage, very rare. But I've had to open my eyes and shed a lot of tears over what is happening. I do support adoption and I hope to adopt again. It can be appropriate but only as an absolute last resort. Right now, I focus my passion on organizations that work to keep families together, promote legit business opportunities, and work on getting families to be independent and together.Jillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03058664383204901514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-68286783795868374132012-05-15T15:30:23.387-04:002012-05-15T15:30:23.387-04:00If we didn't think that our adoption are ethic...If we didn't think that our adoption are ethical then why are any of us adopting? Maybe I am ignorant - and too trusting. I am not trying to cause anyone to get upset with me- I don't have any kind of "inside" information- and maybe I am clueless. We have to do all we can do to help families out in these situations. I am not blind to problems with adoption, though and I don't think that calling adoption human trafficking is fair either!hsb7xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12133006932342532440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-65295192553543808632012-05-15T13:55:19.647-04:002012-05-15T13:55:19.647-04:00I totally agree with your post and I'm interes...I totally agree with your post and I'm interested in the commenter that seems to think most adoptions are ethical and above board. I wish that were true. And I think one of the "advantages" of adopting from Ethiopia is that you can usually find someone that knows your child's story, be it a birth family member or a neighbor, whatever. I'm finding a large percentage of my adoptive friends have or are in the process of reconnecting with their child's roots. In the case of my daughter's story, the research I have done shows that her adoption WAS ethical but definitely NOT truthful. I know, you are thinking that how can it be ethical if it wasn't truthful....what I mean is that her adoption was legal and necessary but the original story around it was completely fabricated. I was relieved to find this out but angry at those who falsify records at any level. I know many families that have not found that peace when they've found out their childrens' stories....and the majority is leaning in the favor of those stories, unfortunately.Jillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03058664383204901514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-74846074877382042692012-05-15T13:07:16.479-04:002012-05-15T13:07:16.479-04:00Absolutely wooster. Here's my email. erica d...Absolutely wooster. Here's my email. erica dot shubin @ gmail.comEricahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00984946345145279521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-90875606283797126292012-05-15T12:56:21.066-04:002012-05-15T12:56:21.066-04:00Lots to think about. Thank you for sharing. I so...Lots to think about. Thank you for sharing. I so wish I could sit down and pick your brain, hear your stories...no, like, seriously I wish I could just chat with you...I am open to learning more as we are along this adoption journey (been in process for 17 months)...open to God's leading and wanting to be part of the solution not part of the problem. We are contracted with an agency but have continued to be prayerfully open to how God orders our steps. I know you're a busy lady, but if it's ever possible I'd love to shoot you an email? Thanks again. I get your heart in this.woosterweesterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16768163870494533835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-13488917835843947062012-05-15T12:14:35.762-04:002012-05-15T12:14:35.762-04:00Erica! I totally agree! I appreciate your courag...Erica! I totally agree! I appreciate your courage to speak the truth. While I am comfortable with our adoption due to his special needs status and a few other things, I experienced enough to not recommend our agency either. Part of that is what all your family had to deal with in country with them. Since having him home, I've asked God so many times what our family can do to prevent other families from being in the same situation and we just started participating in a family sponsorship program that I feel really good about. When I was in ET in March, my time there solidified that our next step was to help keep families together. I love your heart! And I love knowing others feel the same way I do!Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17261417393861303017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-17653121179295607142012-05-15T12:03:04.208-04:002012-05-15T12:03:04.208-04:00AAAAAAmen!
Adoption is NOT a solution to poverty...AAAAAAmen! <br />Adoption is NOT a solution to poverty. Isn't that your point, Erica? To give up a child because you think you cannot care for her is no answer. Let's help people care for and keep their biological children! And this entitlement view in the US is about to drive me batty. These children belong to someone. If you cannot wait or cannot check ethics or cannot be bothered to think about reunification efforts by agencies, you had better check your reasons for adopting. And yes. I'M venting!Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16167421890428319786noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-19771073354357718252012-05-15T11:32:20.181-04:002012-05-15T11:32:20.181-04:00:) I love this post!:) I love this post!Jocelynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13797937373980987124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-51178365975257765442012-05-15T10:29:16.269-04:002012-05-15T10:29:16.269-04:00hsb7x - Nope, not frustrated about long waits at a...hsb7x - Nope, not frustrated about long waits at all. We're not in the process of adopting right now. <br /><br />Where are you getting your information? I happen to know MULTIPLE families that DO have the truth (myself included) so I do speak from a place of knowing truth from the source. <br /><br />You say none of us will ever know? I'm not trying to be mean but that's a very ignorant statement. Many of us DO know and that is my entire point of posting this blog. <br /><br />I'm not venting, I'm attempting to educate others to realize there is more that can be done and needs to be done in regards to orphan care.<br /><br />There is LOTS we can do from here. I'll be posting about some ways you can do that in my next blog post. :)Ericahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00984946345145279521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-41770392593625079242012-05-15T09:47:44.950-04:002012-05-15T09:47:44.950-04:00You will never know if your adoptions are complete...You will never know if your adoptions are completely ethical- Never- unless you talk to the Mom yourself. I agree- we need to do everything we can to pick a good, reputable agency that you trust. I understand your stance that we need to do more- but other than move over to Ethiopia what are you going to do? I am not trying to be mean to you. We have both adopted. I don't want to remain ignorant- you must be getting your information from something that is really frustrating you(like the terrible long wait to adopt). But none of us will ever know if our kids (that the agency said were abandoned) weren't stolen. What is it that you are trying to encourage people to do ? Are you just venting? <br /> I agree- someone is fudging the numbers about there being 5 million orphans in Ethiopia. If there are that many why is it so long of a wait?hsb7xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12133006932342532440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-50893729171567454732012-05-15T09:15:27.683-04:002012-05-15T09:15:27.683-04:00hsb7x - I have never ever ever said that adoption ...hsb7x - I have never ever ever said that adoption was a bad thing. Hello I have adopted twice. You are missing my point.<br /><br />Unethical adoption is NEVER okay. I didn't say that adoption shouldn't be an option. I think it should, I also believe a mother should have the choice to give up her child if she doesn't want to parent or can't parent. However in third world countries it is more likely that they can't parent due to finances and THAT is what I am saying shouldn't be. <br /><br />I don't believe we should depend on UNICEF to do anything. WE as adoptive parents, Christians, and human beings SHOULD be doing something besides JUST adopting. That's my point.<br /><br />I will continue to stand by my post and we as Christians cannot compromise "listening to God" and hiding behind that in order to justify unethical behavior. If no one stands up for those without a voice, those who are stolen from their families, those who are paid off for their children, it will continue and that is not right.Ericahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00984946345145279521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-82399060696240979132012-05-15T08:46:27.509-04:002012-05-15T08:46:27.509-04:00I am all for doing more for Families in Ethiopia. ...I am all for doing more for Families in Ethiopia. We will never know which adoptions are totally truthful, either. Adoption needs to be an option for these women. I know there are some abortions(mostly unsafe) in ethiopia- but when you are having trouble buying food, then most people aren't going to choose abortion. Some Moms just don't want to parent- even if given the money (look at our country- and we have welfare). It is unfair to say if given money most would keep their babies. Adoption is a valid option. It is messy and emotional- but a good option for some moms. We need to do more to help communities- and Unicef doesn't do much to support Moms and kids, even though they claim to help. Christians need to listen to God, and ask Him for wisdom. Adoption is a good thing.hsb7xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12133006932342532440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-78163280103044079602012-05-15T08:20:57.770-04:002012-05-15T08:20:57.770-04:00Yep. Totally reposting.Yep. Totally reposting.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15697239063411684310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-47579663042707171032012-05-14T23:52:11.637-04:002012-05-14T23:52:11.637-04:00perfectly written and oh so true!!perfectly written and oh so true!!Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03760885686145482913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-73511567048952710892012-05-14T21:44:04.042-04:002012-05-14T21:44:04.042-04:00Thank you for responding to me! I do agree with yo...Thank you for responding to me! I do agree with you and appreciate your post. :)<br /><br />KaylaAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02417145514675206035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-80255035414944610112012-05-14T21:35:41.780-04:002012-05-14T21:35:41.780-04:00hsb7x - How do you know that its not "most ad...hsb7x - How do you know that its not "most adoptions"? Have you researched and interviewed families to come to that conclusion? Also how many corrupt adoptions would warrant change?<br /><br />I think you've misunderstood my point. I've NEVER said "don't adopt" nor did I say "there's no children that need families". I've simply said we need to do our part to keep kids in families and ensure that our demand isn't what is driving the "supply". Its not healthy. <br /><br />In regards to UNICEF - my point is that WE as adoptive parents, Christians and advocates should be doing MORE and not just leaving it to "others" or "unicef". There's more to the orphan crisis then just adoption.<br /><br />Also, women in Ethiopia do abort unfortunately. Its not talked about but it absolutely happens.Ericahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00984946345145279521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-14593504221792994302012-05-14T21:13:44.500-04:002012-05-14T21:13:44.500-04:00I get what you are saying. But--- there is a plac...I get what you are saying. But--- there is a place for Mothers who are sick or want their child to have a better life. It is a much better option than abortion(like the USA). I agree the system is corrupt in many cases-but not most adoptions. There are also abandoned children all over the world- what about them? Whatever God calls you to - you should go for it. <br /> The Guatamalan system was a mess when they decided to have no more adoptions. I hope that isn't the plan for Ethiopia. The longer you have to wait to receive an "orphan" it makes you wonder if they are really orphans- or just waiting for more babies to be born. Maybe if Unicef would build more wells to get clean water and actually advocate for families there would be much less babies abandoned because they are starving or just don't have the energy or resources to feed another child. <br /> I am sure if women were given the option to choose adoption or abortion in Ethiopia they would choose abortion alot because of the lie from the devil that it is easier to have an abortion.hsb7xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12133006932342532440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-33824032533870090572012-05-14T19:18:25.258-04:002012-05-14T19:18:25.258-04:00Hey Kayla -
I think you've misunderstood. H...Hey Kayla - <br /><br />I think you've misunderstood. Here's my direct quote in regards to your question.<br /><br /><b>"I do believe there are children of ALL ages that need families. Yes, that includes infants, toddlers, HIV+ kids, special needs kids, and teenagers that desperately need families! BUT my question is do we have our focus correct or are we just adopting because WE want another child or because its our "mission"? What's the purpose of adopting a child and leaving a mother or family for that matter heart broken when $30 a month could change the circumstances?"</b><br /><br />My point is that the system is broken, there is corruption, its known by all, and it needs to be fixed. That's all I'm saying.<br /><br />The other side of it is that IF agencies were doing as good of a job with their family preservation programs as they are with getting babies from orphanages I do think we would see a much smaller number of infants needing adoption. (its also known that the corruption runs deep and often happens before the agency level but in my opinion that doesn't mean the agencies are blameless. It is their responsibility to make SURE adoptions are ethical at every level, agencies that do independent investigations are on the right track.)Ericahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00984946345145279521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-760800111056088352012-05-14T17:28:30.833-04:002012-05-14T17:28:30.833-04:00I came across your blog from a friend. I wanted to...I came across your blog from a friend. I wanted to clarify. Are you saying that you believe the need for people to adopt infants from Ethiopia is no longer there? Do you believe that if infant adoption stopped in Ethiopia that there would be little repercussions? I am honestly curious. We are in the process right now of adopting from Ethiopia. Thanks, KAylaAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02417145514675206035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-21921958487647792412012-05-14T14:36:04.034-04:002012-05-14T14:36:04.034-04:00I think this is a really well written post and agr...I think this is a really well written post and agree completely! I'm on the domestic side of adoption and can say that we have done things SO differently in picking our adoption agency then the first time around. I feel SO strongly about birthmothers and supporting them through the whole process whether they decide to parent or not. We have always said that we want to be there for birthparents and their children when they can't parent and don't want to parent.Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15915033609032062798noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779639843887696389.post-83193371598023735092012-05-14T13:34:55.806-04:002012-05-14T13:34:55.806-04:00Thank you for saying this! The NEED is there, but ...Thank you for saying this! The NEED is there, but it may not be the need we want to focus on. Family preservation, older child adoption, SN adoption. It's messy, it's complicated but as Christians we should feel ready to step in and be the hands and feet.Jennihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14447360665987245975noreply@blogger.com